I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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