Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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