I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
