Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
