I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
