I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
