Banned from zoo.
Again?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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