I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
