If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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