I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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