I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
