Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
