They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
