Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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