is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
