yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize