Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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