i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Let's get the cat blown out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
