This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
