there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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