Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
