There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
