Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
