I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
