HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I forget how to act sober
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
