Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
