Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
