i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
