I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
