You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
