mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
