I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
