she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
