is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
