But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
