3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
