i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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