found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
