...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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