I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
