Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
a search helicopter?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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