"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
