You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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