i jhust puked up my retainher.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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