The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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