hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dignity is for republicans.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize