he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
