you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
