The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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