you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
