Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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