Little spoons don't ask big questions
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
