After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
