I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
