do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
