Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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