Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told grandpa to call you daddy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize