so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
