dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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