I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
