i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
