I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
