My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
