Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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