home. puking in laundry basket.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
