Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Will you blow on my dice?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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