So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
