Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize