you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so let's talk penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
