Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Holy shit dude........stairs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
