Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
