Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
