Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize