it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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