she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
