You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
