sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize