She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
