worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
